Tonglen Healing Arts for Animals

Articles

Forever Homes

May 2003

Timmy was a large red Macaw parrot, with an amazingly regal head framing soft withdrawn eyes. As I approached his cage, his pathetic looking body drew me in. Timmy had pulled out every feather on his body from his neck down, giving him the appearance of a mutant chicken being prepared for a meal.

Timmy was living with his fifth human family. I was told by his current human mom that this poor 10 year old bird had originally been owned by a couple who, after having a human baby, no longer had time for Timmy. From there he was shuffled from one home of well-meaning people to the next. Unfortunately, none of these people knew how to care for a bird. His current human had heard about Timmy through friends and came to his rescue. In the year since she brought Timmy home, she had tried everything she knew to help him with his plucking behavior without success. With nothing else to lose she called me in to see if I could help.

Before I talk with any animal client I always confer with their human to verify that they are sincere in their plan to keep this animal for the remainder of its life. Whenever possible, it is very important to be able to reassure an animal that their human is committed to them for life. This gives the animal a sense of security and stability.

After telling Timmy he would be living the rest of his life with this human, I asked why he was pulling out his feathers. He told me everything in his life was so unsure. Understandably, he didn't believe people would stay around and care for him. He felt totally out of control over his safety and living situation. The only thing that he could really do anything about was his body. He told me when he pulled out his feathers, at least he felt like he had control over what was happening to him. This was how he had been able to relieve the feelings of anxiety and hopelessness that plagued him. I asked him if this behavior really helped reduce those feelings. He told me no, but he didn’t know anything else to do.

At this point I asked Timmy to tell me about his life, about the humans he had known. Timmy told me he had bonded deeply with the woman in the first family he lived with. She would talk with him and lavish him with attention. She was his world. Then she had a human baby, and suddenly the baby became her world. She no longer had the time to take care of Timmy, so she sent him to live with another family. Timmy had loved her so much, and couldn’t understand why he was sent away. Over the years, as he was passed from home to home, none of the other humans seemed to have made a significant attempt to fill this void in Timmy’s life. Timmy had come to believe there was no one there for him, and even the kind human who was there for him now would certainly be sending him somewhere else shortly. It was a sad situation. I did my best to explain to Timmy how things were going to be different now. Because I only saw Timmy this one time, I really don’t know how much of what I said reached and reassured him. I hope it did.

Leaving Timmy that day, I thought about how so many animals are passed from one family to another without regard for the impact on the animals’ emotional well-being. In Timmy’s case the emotional wear and tear on him was immense, and was clearly manifested in physical problems. For some types of animals it is very common for them to move from family to family. Horses, for instance, rarely are born and live their entire lives with one family. Horses may be bought and sold many times over the course of their lives. As I thought about Timmy, I began to wonder how unsettling it must be for animals who move from family to family.

Certainly not every time an animal moves is traumatic, and I know of many cases where an animal is clearly in a better situation in a new home. There are times when people who love their animals very much are forced to give them up due to circumstances beyond their control. Still, any time an animal leaves a family they have been a part of their world literally changes. Their physical surroundings change, the people who care for them are different, and the rules are often new. Think how it would feel if you got plunked down in a different country one day not knowing the land, language, or customs, and the residents there couldn’t understand why you were confused or scared. That’s how it can be for our animal companions.

It is easy to fall in love with a cute puppy or kitten, but before adding an animal into your family be sure to consider your commitment to caring for this animal for its entire life. Our animals depend on us not only for food and care but to create for them a safe, consistent place to live. If we choose to adopt an animal we need to be aware that our new family member may be untrusting of us at first, unable to believe that they have a forever home. Their fears and anxieties may even manifest in physical or behavioral problems, like Timmy.

Sometimes we hear about so-called problem animals. I once worked with one of these problem animals. I was called in to meet Bear after his new humans bought him to be part of a riding school program. Bear was a gorgeous bay quarter horse, the type of horse little girls fall in love with and endlessly draw pictures of. His current owners said Bear had been sweet and easy going when they met him at his previous home. However, this gentle soul had now turned into a biting and kicking machine whenever he was handled. Bear had hurt many people at the school who had tried to groom him or tack him up for lessons. Whenever there was a lesson where someone needed to lead Bear around the arena while a rider sat on top of him, Bear bit the leader.

When I first talked with Bear, I explained that was there to listen to him and I wanted to know why he was biting and kicking people. He sadly told me that prior to coming to this riding program he had been one person’s horse. He loved being a special horse and having a special person. He couldn’t understand why his previous human had sent him away, especially to a place where no one treated him in ways that made him feel special. He resented all the different handlers whom he felt never saw him as an individual. He resented the leaders, because they made him feel he couldn’t be trusted to know where to go on his own during a lesson.

Bear wasn’t a horse with an attitude problem. He was a horse who was sad at being abandoned, and felt frustrated with his new living environment. His previous owner had given Bear up because Bear had been injured and could no longer work as a show horse, but no one had explained this to him. Unfortunately, Bear’s injuries had never completely healed and continued to irritate him. Understanding his feelings and learning what his life was like from his perspective helped the humans who worked with Bear to be more compassionate towards him. In the end, they were able to find Bear one special person for him to love and who loved him in a forever home. Most of the time so-called problem animals present difficulties only when their environment has created a problem for them. In his new home, Bear stopped being a problem horse.

If you adopt an animal, give them time to learn they now have a safe home with humans who are trustworthy, and who will patiently teach them how to live in their new family. Offering this safe emotional space for our animal companions makes the adjustment to their new environment easier for them. There is nothing more rewarding than watching an animal discover they have finally found their loving forever home.