Tonglen Healing Arts for Animals

Articles

The Animal Family

April 2003

Some of the most touching and important work I do as an animal communicator and healer is assisting animals and their humans when it is time for an animal to die. Helping people understand what their animals need during this time of transition often makes this emotionally painful period easier on everyone. However, many times clients approach me after the death of an animal because they don’t understand the behaviors of the other animals living in their household.

As I wrote in last month’s issue of Puget Sound Pet, family members come in all sorts of forms. Dogs, for example, live in packs and changes in pack members can create changes in pack member status and behavior. I believe something more occurs when any group of animals live together in a household, something that overrides what we think of as a traditional pack in the animal world. Animals who live together become a family.

In a family, we all have our roles. Like with our human family members, we get along better with some than others. When an animal comes to live with us, they bring their distinct personality with them. They take on a role in our family that suits them and, from their perspective, is needed. While it is clear animals do certain things based on their species specifications, they also interact within the group of other animals and humans, which creates a family.

If one member of the group changes, everyone must adapt. The bonds between animals in a household reach across many barriers, including inter-species relationships. When my husband and I first moved out to Tiger Mountain in Issaquah, we added an assortment of baby animals to our family. We already had an 8-year-old female Australian Shepherd and a 1-year-old female Great Dane. Within the first two months of our move we added Zuli, a baby male Quaker Parrot, and Haiku, a male kitten. With Jadzia, our Great Dane, that made three young animals living in our household. Zoe, our Aussie, hated Jadzia from the moment Jadzia entered the home. She didn’t tolerate Jadzia’s playing or need for attention. She certainly opposed the idea that Jadzia wanted to be top dog, and on a regular basis I would often have to break up what I thought of as vicious cat fights between the two dogs.

Jadzia, being a puppy and wanting to play, simply turned her attention to other members of the family. First she tried out Zuli. It was comical to watch this giant gangly puppy and this tiny blue bird bob their heads back and forth, bark and squawk at each other, and put their noses together to sniff each other. They quickly became the best of friends.

Jadzia next turned her attention to our kitten, Haiku. Haiku is nothing less than a dog in a cat suit. He is perfectly happy to jump into the middle of a jumble of wrestling dogs and bat and chomp away with them. What Haiku didn’t appreciate was having Jadzia, the monster puppy, not so delicately leap at him with her tree limb legs, which were always wildly out of control and often slammed down in startling locations. Haiku also didn’t like Jadzia’s tendency to act maternally by scooping him up in her mouth by the head and neck and carrying him around, while his little unsupported body dangled helplessly in the air. Jadzia really like Haiku, but she just couldn’t figure out how to be with him in a way that worked well. Haiku loathed Jadzia’s maternal instincts gone awry. However, when Jadzia would curl up on her purple couch dog bed, Haiku would often contently snuggle up beside her. Haiku knew how to be with Jadzia when she was calm, and he enjoyed her company at those times.

Sadly, Jadzia was a sick puppy from the moment we brought her home. We tried everything to make her body healthy, but shortly after her second birthday her body was too worn out and we had to euthanize her. Prior to Jadzia’s death, I spoke with the other animals to explain to them what was going on and that Jadzia would soon be leaving us. Zuli was very sad, but through his young and naive way of looking at the world he attributed Jadzia’s plight to the fact that she was a dog and that dogs got sick and died, unlike birds. (Yes, we’ll have to cross that bridge at another time with Zuli when he is a little more mature.) Haiku didn’t mind the idea of living a peaceful life without unplanned aerial acrobatics, so he wasn’t too concerned about this change in family structure. He didn’t wish for Jadzia to be sick or die, but he wasn’t going to miss the daily safety hazards of sharing his life with Dogzilla. The one who surprised me the most was Zoe. Our tough-minded Aussie demanded to be there when Jadzia died. Here I thought that Zoe would be thrilled to be rid of her archenemy. Instead, Zoe felt she needed to help Jadzia in her passing.

The day Jadzia died, my husband, myself, Jadzia and Zoe all piled into the car to go to the Vet’s office. When we arrived the Vet was surprised we had brought Zoe along. She was concerned Zoe might be upset at witnessing what was about to happen. I explained to her Zoe had been very clear about needing to be there. We all settled down in the examination room, and the Vet gave Jadzia some medication to make her sleepy. Zoe sat patiently nearby as Jadzia grew more drowsy until Jadzia finally decided to curl up on the floor. At this point, Zoe got up, walked over to Jadzia, and lay down next to her. Zoe literally pressed her body up against Jadzia and did not leave this position until the final injection was given and Jadzia was gone.

Though having to say good-bye to our puppy was very painful, I could not help but be taken aback by Zoe’s actions during the procedure. Zoe was helping the being who had done nothing but be the bane of her existence for the last two years. And not merely just helping, but clearly trying to comfort and support Jadzia during her final moments with us. If this isn’t what family does for each other, then I don’t know what else to call it. Reaching past our differences and overlooking our struggles to be there when we are truly needed is what we do for family. Zoe later explained to me she knew Jadzia was scared, and she wanted to accompany Jadzia for as long as she could. That’s why she needed to be there, and that’s why she wouldn’t leave Jadzia’s side.

A few days later, Zoe began doing something very out of character. She started gently playing with our kitten. You must understand that up until this point Zoe was a confirmed cat chaser. It was all Zoe could do to contain herself when Haiku originally came on the scene and started weaving around between her legs. You could see the physical tension in Zoe’s body back then, as she flipped back and forth between the idea of wanting to cream the cat and the idea that she herself would be flattened by her humans if she did. So for Zoe to actively engage in playing with Haiku was unthinkable. Zoe explained there were no more dogs here, Haiku really wanted to play, and so did she. And now here they were, out in our side yard, gingerly playing with each other. It was amazing.

Since that time we have added two more dogs and a horse to our family. Zoe has maintained her top dog status, but she has graciously opened her heart and home to all the other animals here. She changed because of that experience with Jadzia. She is much more gentle with the others, and is much more willing to play with them. Now she looks at the other animals here as being under her watch, rather than competitors to fend off.

I have worked with many animals who share their homes and lives with other animals and the dynamics are just as rich in those households. When we live with animals we can sometimes become focused on our relationships with them and overlook the interactions and relationships going on between them. Once we begin to understand the relationships in our animals’ lives, it is easier to appreciate how change in their family structure, human or animal, can have a great impact on their lives.